God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
