How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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