The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
