chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I have so many feelings about this burrito
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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