morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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