you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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