I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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