Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Never underestimate the power of titties
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