I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
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