Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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