Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
My vagina is officially offended.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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