Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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