yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
