Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
