Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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