i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
