My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
