well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
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