he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
