How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
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