Can Purell be used as lube?
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Your penis caused this!
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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