I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
