So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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