You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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