I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Randomize
