The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
