somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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