hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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