I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
