but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
