Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
