The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
