The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
