3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
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