You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Randomize
