Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
