On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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