forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
