you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
