I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Randomize
