Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
