I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Randomize
