i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
