Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
