just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
