today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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