Umm I'm too high to move.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
