I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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