I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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