i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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