I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
This can only be settled by a dance off.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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