Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Randomize
